Nothing had prepared me for that moment. A flood of conflicting emotions washed over
me. I was simultaneously awed, jealous,
proud, happy, a little sad, speechless, surprised and amazed. Mainly I was happy, a little bit for me and a
whole lot for her. Let me back up and
set the scene that had me so flummoxed.
The moment of my emotional chaos occurred in 2016, but its roots go back
thirty-four years.
I met this girl, Jennifer, in 1982.
It was my senior year of college and my last semester; it was Jennifer’s
first freshman semester. I was on the
cusp of obtaining my photography degree and she was just beginning work on
hers. As it goes with the usual college
hierarchy, seniors and freshmen didn’t mix much, but I noticed her around the
photo-labs and studios. She’d be around
during those impromptu photo-critiques that spontaneously occurred in the photo
department; whenever I’d be showing whatever I was working on I’d see her among
the other students. While she was
noticing my photographs, I was noticing her
because she was pretty, really pretty, the fashion-model kind of pretty. Since every senior-level photo student never
has enough fashion-type photos in their portfolios, I talked her into modeling
for me. We spent an afternoon in the
studio and I shot one of those very typical, early 80s post-punk/new-wave kind
of photos that were so popular at the time.
We got to know each other, had a fun time, and I got a very nice (for
the time period) fashion photo. I made a
big 16x20 inch print of her, put it in my portfolio, and graduated.
In 1983, a mere seven months after I graduated college and after being
unceremoniously sacked from not one but two
corporate jobs, I came to the realization that I wasn’t corporate
material. A friend of mine, who was not
corporate material either, had been sacked shortly before me had taken a job
teaching airbrush at The Art Institute of
Houston suggested I apply for an open position in the photography
department and made an introduction for me.
So I applied for that teaching job and found myself doing the
portfolio-dog-and-pony show for the Art
Institute’s head of photography.
Since I’d been out of college for less than a year I had not yet had the
opportunity to replace all the photos in my college portfolio with ‘new work from
jobs’ so my portfolio was still about three-quarters college work, including
that picture of Jennifer.
Flipping through my portfolio he stopped on the page with the picture
of Jennifer. “She’s a student here.” He
said.
Not wanting to contradict the man attached to the ass I was kissing to
get that job I simply stated: “I photographed her last spring at Sam Houston
State University.”
“She’s taking photography classes here.” He restated.
“Must have transferred.” Was my
only reply.
I got the job, a few weeks later classes began and, sure enough,
Jennifer was in two of my classes.
I remember working really hard to impart as much knowledge as possible
to my students. Because it had been less
than a year since I’d been a student myself, I wanted to be better than my professors, and they were
very good. My job as teacher was to
teach my students the teachable things; techniques and procedures so the
talented student would then have the necessary skills to express
themselves. I never tried to teach ‘talent’
or ‘meaning’ or ‘expression’ or any of the art-school things that screw-up
students. I never tried to direct their
story-telling, I merely provided the grammar
they would use to tell their own photographic stories.
Regretfully, I don’t really remember any of my students’ work, but it has been thirty-plus years so
maybe my faulty memory is excused. What
I do remember is that Jennifer was
one of the few students who had a vision
or personal style. I clearly remember walking
through the black and white darkrooms in the mornings before class began. I’d look over all the prints on the drying
racks and I knew which photos were hers.
I also recall many Mondays, listening to my students’ stories about
‘partying all weekend,’ and then being asked what I did on my time off.
“I worked in the darkroom all weekend.” Was my frequent reply. Most students would just roll their eyes,
probably thinking, nerd. But, unbeknownst to me at the time, I was
getting through to a few of them, not necessarily in classroom lectures, but by example. It turned out, for some like Jennifer, it was
what I did and not what I said that was the most influential. It was this example that impacted Jennifer
the most, but I wouldn’t know about that for another thirty-two years.
I really enjoyed teaching and was good at it but I got fired from that
job after a year and a half. I made the
fatal mistake of being better than my boss, the department head, which is
something detrimental to job security in academia. So I moved on and Jennifer’s class graduated
in 1984.
By 1985 I had started my own studio and had lost touch with Jennifer.
Over two decades passed before I saw her again. I’ve forgotten the exact year but it was
around 2010-ish. By then I was living in
Arizona and she was living in Los Angeles (I don’t recall how I knew this, I
probably Googled her). I had to go to
L.A. on business and looked her up. We
sort of picked up where we’d left off.
She was struggling somewhat (as I was too) and we talked and ‘compared
notes’ and shared some of the high and low-lights of our bumpy career
paths. During our Chinese food lunch I
recall thinking to myself, I’m not the
mentor anymore and you’re not the student anymore, we’re both equals and we’re
equally screwed in this weird business of art and photography.
I saw her again a year or so later in Los Angeles and she’d made
significant strides. She’d produced a lot of very good work and she had a
licensing agent and things were looking much more positive. We stayed in touch but it wouldn’t be until
2016 that I’d see her again.
I’m glad we stayed in touch because that meant I knew she’d moved from
Los Angeles to Palm Springs. That also
meant that I would see her again after I wrapped a photo-shoot nearby at The
Salton Sea and Borrego Springs.
We were enjoying dinner and drinks in the dark and moody bar at Mr. Lyons in Palm Springs when the
conversation turned to art. Jennifer
spoke very enthusiastically about the new artworks she was making and I was
anxious to see her new portfolio. Out
came her phone, a few taps and swipes later she’s got Instagram open (oh, Instagram
again!) and here’s her new stuff. I scrolled
through her Instagram feed until I suffered a ‘cardiac event’ and felt my heart
ripped in two opposite directions simultaneously.
My heart returned to a normal rhythm and pumped just enough freshly oxygenated
blood to my brain for me to form the thought: Oh my god, this is freaking brilliant! I was truly blown-away. Her new works were fully-formed and
fleshed-out, it was clear that she wasn’t experimenting but had found her way
with clarity and confidence. The imagery
was a clear departure from the obviously excellent works I’d seen in L.A. a few
years prior. Her new works were bright,
colorful, smart, witty, thoughtful, unique, original and, for lack of a better
term, freaking brilliant. And they weren’t photographs, this was pure
digital art.
Basking in the cel-phone-glow of her imagery I felt my heart shift
directions and relocate itself one-hundred-eighty degrees and suddenly I felt
instantly sad and, somehow, sorry for myself.
It was a fleeting feeling that didn’t last but a moment, but what
happened to me? What was this wave of
sadness that just washed over me?
It was the sudden realization that the
student had surpassed her teacher! Looking at her portfolio I saw no hint, no
vestige, no thread whatsoever that traced a line from these images back to anything
I’d taught her. What I was seeing was so
new, so uniquely hers that I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness because
nothing I’d ever said or taught was left
in these images, she was now far beyond any influence from me. My illogical sadness quickly passed and my
heart swelled and I felt pride. I had succeeded as a teacher!
Because the student should
surpass the teacher!
And so we shared a wonderful meal and conversation that went long into
the night. We discussed the important things like life and art and
she clued me into some things I never knew.
Way back in 1983 when I’d first interviewed for that teaching job I’d
left my portfolio with the department head so he could ‘show it to the
higher-ups.’ I don’t know if ‘the
higher-ups’ ever saw my portfolio but Jennifer did. Apparently the department head showed my
portfolio to Jennifer who told him to, “Hire Dale, now!” For all these years I thought it had been
some guy in a suit up the hall who’d given the green light to hire me, but it
had actually been a 22 year-old blonde chick in the Photo One class that got me
the job! Thank you, Jennifer!
As we reminisced about the 1980s she mentioned the One Thing that was
the biggest influence. It had been my
throw-away line, my flippant response of, “I worked in the darkroom,” to the
question, what did you do last weekend? She’d heard that, and she’d been one of the
party-girls that weekend, but when she heard my response it prompted a thought
in her: I should get to work. And
she did!
After thirty-four years it was she
who taught me an important
lesson. For her it never was about the
classroom lessons about f-stops, or shutter-speeds, or printing, or any of
those things. Sure, she’d learned those
lessons but the real lesson she’d learned from me had come from example and it
was a work ethic.
She saw me ‘doing the work’ and then she ‘did the work’ too. That was it.
That’s all.
I’ve been ‘doing the work’ for my whole life, and so has
Jennifer. Now, more than three decades
after we were student and teacher, we stand together as semi-successful artists
who did the work. In academic circles teachers talk about
‘training the competition,’ but that’s a cliché. The fleeting feeling of sadness I felt when
reviewing her new works was a result of Western Societies’ competitive culture;
for just a moment I saw her as ‘competition,’ and that’s wrong. For a nanosecond I thought, she’s better than me! And that thought was wrong too. Her works aren’t any better than mine and
mine aren’t better than hers, she’s simply the best at what she does and I’m
the best at what I do. She’ll always be
better than me at making her
pictures. Her pictures are something I cherish and respect, her artwork shows
me a world I cannot perceive, they’re a window into her world, a place I only visited through her eyes and art. The only
reason I (and others) can see the world the way she does is because she did the work. I cannot claim any influence of her imagery whatsoever, that’s all her! The only credit I can claim is providing motivation by example. At the time I didn’t even realize that,
“working in the darkroom all weekend” was a lesson, but I applaud Jennifer for getting it.
I think I’d like to acquire one of Jennifer’s artworks for my personal
collection but she’s really good, and I don’t know if I can afford one. Maybe she’ll be open to a trade? I think I should offer two of mine for one of
hers, she’s that good.
One final note, from a different perspective.
There was a time when I was the boy who exceeded his professor. For me it came quickly and differently but
since I’ve now experienced this from both
perspectives it’s worthy of sharing.
Parental finances forced me
to drop out of college in the summer of 1979 and it took me until 1981 to earn
enough money to complete my degree.
During my time away from school I had a number of photography-related
jobs, the most recent at the time in audio-visual production where I worked on
large-scale slide shows (these were the pre-PowerPoint days). In the A/V job I also became an expert in E-6
processing and I created optical special effects, which was a very specialized
area of photography.
I returned to college in the winter of 1981 and during the
re-enrollment process I met with my Academic Advisor, Dr. Emmette Jackson, who
was also the head of the photography program.
He went over my freshman/sophomore transcripts (which were all A’s in
photo-classes) and he spent a lot of time examining my new-from-work portfolio
of optical special effects.
“You’ve made considerable advances during your time in the workforce,
Dale, I’m having a hard time fitting you into classes where you’d actually
learn something you haven’t already done, so I’m going to design some
independent-studies specifically for you.”
Dr. Jackson informed me with a serious tone.
“Can I do that?” I wondered aloud.
“Is that legit?”
“Sure.” He explained. “You and I will design specialized
independent-studies, I’ll approve the study, you’ll work directly with me and
I’ll be the one determining your grade at the completion of the independent
study.”
“So I don’t have to take the E-6 class?” I asked, incredulously.
“Oh hell no!” He laughed. “You’d
been souping E-6 film at a pro-lab while you were out of school, so you’re
competent and up-to-speed. I’m going to
go ahead and give you three hours credit and an A for that class.”
And then he dropped ‘the bomb.’
“As a matter of fact, we’re offering side production this semester,
since you’ve been doing just that you
can teach the class, you know more about it than I do.”
What?! Did I hear that right? I
know more than he does?
“Sir,” I asked cautiously, “Can I do that?”
“Of course you can! Your resume
tells me you’ve been producing optical effects, processing E-6 slide film, and
programming six, nine, twelve and fifteen projector shows all synchronized with
Clearlight computer-controllers. All we
have here is an ancient Wollensak two-projector dissolve unit, you’ll be
fine. I’ve never done any slideshows
that big, you’re the expert.”
“I’m the expert?”
“Hell yeah, your resume and portfolio say so. I’ll give you the syllabus, tweak it as you
see fit, I’ll take attendance and the class is yours.”
And there, in an instant, direct from the mouth of the professor who
intimidated the hell out of me as a freshman and sophomore, was a declaration
that I knew more than he did. I was surprised and honored. Curiously, Dr.
Jackson seemed completely unfazed by his words and my reaction to them.
Professor Jackson’s response to me
surpassing him was remarkably ego-free.
He wasn’t bothered a bit because his perspective was from the position
of professional teacher and success
to him was being surpassed by his student.
My momentary mixed feelings about Jennifer surpassing me was from the
perspective of teacher and working artist. My artists’ semi-erect ego was briefly
punctured by Jennifer’s amazing artworks only to be re-inflated moments later
by realizing that, as a teacher, I had succeeded. Dr. Jackson had none of my mixed emotions
because he was no longer working as a photographer but instead, purely as a
photography teacher. Although his
Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees were in photography his PhD was in education,
so his judgment of me was from the perspective of a professional educator and not a photographer. To him it wasn’t a big deal, to me it was everything.
Emmette (we got to a first-name basis quickly and remain good friends
to this day, thirty-four years after my graduation) actually taught me more by example than in the classroom, which is the same as it was with me
and Jennifer. I think there may be a
correlation of teaching styles at play…
When the teacher does their job right, the student should surpass
them. Most students don’t because many
students don’t finish what they start, they
don’t do the work. For those who do,
it’s because they’ve taken all the lessons, both the formal lessons of the classroom
and the informal ‘life lessons,’ and applied them to their own work, kept up
that work, and eventually ended up in a place that surpassed their
mentors.
Professor Jackson provided me with a map. He was fully aware that by the time I left
that map he’d provided me everything I needed to blaze my own trail but not get
lost. I did the same for Jennifer, the
only difference being when she left the map she found me at the periphery. As she and I stood there, just off the edge
of the metaphorical map, she smiled and said she’d used-up the map I gave her
but that was OK, she’d traded it for a GPS, and we should go the rest of the
way together. None of us had really
surpassed anyone, we got just what we needed to become who we are.
From Jennifer’s 2016 Artist
Statement:
Jennifer majored in photography at Sam Houston State University.
There, she met her first mentor, Dale O’Dell. One afternoon, she walked into
the on-campus photo-lab and noticed a group of people all gathered around
O’Dell, who had some of his new photographs placed in front of him. As Jennifer
stretched over the crowd to see, she remembers commenting out loud; “That’s
what kind of work I want to do.” She subsequently transferred to The Art
Institute of Houston, where by another act of fate, O’Dell became her teacher.
At that point, Jennifer knew she was on track, and that something special was
happening to her.
Dr. Emmette Jackson passed away
on July 16, 2016 at the age of 75. I
will forever miss him; to this day I still try to make photographs that meet
the high standard he set.
